Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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