my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
