No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
