i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
