i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
