i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
