ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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