I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
