i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize