Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
