I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
