i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
