I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
