hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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