The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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