fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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