Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
high people should be assigned attendants
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Send help, water and tortillas.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
