Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
