he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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