tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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