I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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