and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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