He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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