my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
