absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
