why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
