Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
