She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
