Pappa wants mamma naked
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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