a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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