A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
