god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
