piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
