I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
