omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Randomize
