one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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