you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
