standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Randomize
