I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
