just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
All I want is dick and wine.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
