All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
