Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
