I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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