I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
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