the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
ugly people sure do ruin things
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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