so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
