so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
