I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
