Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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