Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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