Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
