I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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