mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
