My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
