If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
