im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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