I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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