Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize