my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize