Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
