sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
