We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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