I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
