i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
