i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Drunk walkin through police station. America
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
