My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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