Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
